What should I do if my child is timid outside but overbearing at home? 99% of the reason lies with you

Last week I was a guest at a friend\’s house and encountered an embarrassing scene: the friend\’s four-year-old son was losing his temper with his grandma: \”Bad grandma, I don\’t want to eat this bun! I want the original one!\” The grandma quickly stepped forward to comfort her: \” This restaurant is also very delicious. There are many people queuing up. Do you want to try it?\” The child started crying and the grandma had to go downstairs to buy it again. My friend said to me in embarrassment afterwards: \”This child only dares to do this at home. He doesn\’t dare to say a word when meeting other children outside. He is just a bastard.\” I have seen many such children around me: Like a little bully at home, he loses his temper when he encounters things he doesn\’t like, and often yells at his parents. But outside he is obedient, cautious, and even timid, not even daring to be bullied. In resistance, the bully becomes a doormat. Some parents couldn\’t help complaining to me: \”Teacher, my son is very domineering at home, but very timid outside. He doesn\’t dare to take his toys back when children take them away. He can only get angry with me and ask me to help him get them.\” Come back.\” \”Although the child is usually very majestic at home, he is extremely timid outside and is always bullied. Why can\’t he have a balance – be good at home and be bolder when going out?\” This is a dilemma. Parents are puzzled by the question: Why do children who are overbearing at home become completely different outside? In fact, the root of the problem still has to be found in the parents. What kind of family is likely to raise a child who is \”a mess\”? 1. Parents are just bad friends. I used to have a neighbor who was always gentle and polite in front of everyone. People in the community had a good impression of him. But I often hear him yelling at his wife at home, and sometimes swearing, as if he has become a different person. Later, after we got to know each other, he once told me with great headache that his son had a temper just like him. He often yelled and acted willfully at home, but he was obedient and obedient in front of outsiders, doing whatever he was told. He felt like he was a bad example. Indeed, home is a child’s first school and a testing ground for them to learn interpersonal communication and emotional training. If parents are restrained and polite in front of outsiders but are unscrupulous at home, it is easy to leave a wrong impression on their children in the long run: \”Be polite to strangers, but the worst temper can be reserved for the people closest to you.\” 2. Unconditional doting. Careful parents will find that the child\’s behavior at home is not aimed at everyone. He has chosen a good target in advance, usually an adult who is obedient to him, especially the elderly. I have seen many grandparents who dote on their children in every possible way and are reluctant to let their children suffer even the slightest injustice. Every time their parents discipline their children, the elderly stand up and act as their shield. However, the child did not feel sorry for the old man because of this. Instead, he relied on the old man\’s tolerance and became more domineering. I once saw a child who was very mean to his grandma, dragging the old man and causing mischief on the ground. As soon as his father came over, he yelled: \”Stand still!\” He immediately became honest. The person who dotes on a child the most becomes the person the child respects the least. 3. Parents’ unprincipled compromise Many parents easily compromise when faced with their children’s crying, overturning all the original rules. Such unprincipled concessions,It will also make children more arrogant. For example, if a child wants to buy a new toy, the mother says to the child: \”You have too many toys, don\’t buy anything this time!\” When the child hears this, he immediately starts crying: \”I want it! I want it!\” The mother says. I couldn\’t resist my child, so I had no choice but to buy a new toy. Over time, children have gained experience: \”As long as you cry more and make more noise, your goal will be achieved.\” They are very smart and know that they are the center of the family. No matter what the request is, their parents will eventually agree to it. But it is not like this outside. The earth does not revolve around them, and other children will not give them special treatment. In this way, the child\’s psychological gap will immediately fall apart, and emotions and pressure will continue to accumulate. When he returns home, he will vent it out to his parents in an intensified manner. 4. Children lack social skills. Children become timid and lack self-confidence outside. This is inseparable from the child\’s social skills. Many times, it is because we did not receive correct guidance at home and failed to learn correct interpersonal communication methods. Once I took my daughter to play in the community, and many children gathered together to wait for the slide. Some children were anxious and rushed over to slide first. A silent little boy stood aside and cowered, not daring to go. When the boy\’s father saw it from the side, he couldn\’t help but stepped forward and said to the other children, \”This brother has been waiting next to you for a long time. Can you let him skate first?\” I can understand parents who see their children feeling wronged. If you have a child, you can\’t help but negotiate on your child\’s behalf, but in this way, the child neither makes friends through his own abilities nor learns how to get along with children. Children will never dare to take the first step. As time goes by, they will only become more and more dependent on their parents. How parents should guide 1. Parents should be good role models. Be respectful to the elderly in the family and considerate of the other half. Even if there are conflicts between husband and wife, they should try to resolve them through communication. This can help children learn to treat the most loving people. Give it to the people you care about most. Wu Chun is full of love and respect for his wife Lin Liying. He always takes care of his wife\’s feelings and never loses his temper with her. In \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”, Lin Liying once wanted to help Wu Zun cut vegetables. She walked to the other end of the table and stood for a moment. Wu Zun immediately realized that there were no chairs there, so he immediately moved a chair for his wife to put behind him. This kind of meticulous consideration is integrated into every little detail of life, making Neinei and Max very well-behaved and friendly at home. Every time they go out to play, they say goodbye to their mommy in a cute way. At the same time, because they have developed a sunny personality in the family, they also get along very happily with other children in the program group, and they will not be timid or unconfident. 2. Establish rules at home. When a child shows an arrogant attitude for the first time at home, you should clearly tell him that doing so is wrong and is not allowed, and help the child learn the correct way to vent his emotions. A friend of mine is a good example of both kindness and power. One time, her daughter got angry at her grandma because she couldn\’t put together Lego toys, and she took all her anger out on her. The mother glared and said to her seriously: \”Who allowed you to talk to grandma like this? Apologize to grandma immediately!\” After the child apologized honestly, she picked up the child again and put him down.He softened his tone and said, \”Are you angry that you can\’t insert the toy? But you can\’t lose your temper with others when you are angry. Aren\’t you very sad when your mother loses her temper with you? If you lose your temper with grandma, grandma will also be sad. .\” The child nodded his head seriously and listened. From then on, he gradually got rid of the habit of losing his temper with his elders. 3. Adhere to principles and know how to say no. Parents must adhere to principles and know how to say no. They must not casually meet their children\’s various requests. Otherwise, the children will become more and more presumptuous and the weight of what parents say will become lighter and lighter. In the previous program \”Chinese Restaurant\”, there was a mother whose child was particularly disobedient. He yelled in the restaurant and lost his temper, saying that the food in the restaurant was not delicious and that he wanted to play somewhere else. The mother complained helplessly to Zhao Wei: \”My child said that he will never come out to play with me again.\” Zhao Wei asked: \”Why, what does he dislike about you?\” The boy\’s mother continued: \”He looks everywhere. If he is not superior to me, my status in the family is ranked last. His grandma spoils the child so much that the child feels that his position in the family is first!\” Zhao Wei gave a piece of advice: \”You can\’t let your son have such a condescending attitude. I feel that when you get older in the future, he will also think that you are not that important and you should not take your children too seriously.\” I deeply believe that if parents always compromise their children\’s demands and give their children special treatment, the children will think that this is their fault. He deserves it. He wishes that the world had to revolve around him alone, and he would become more and more rude to his parents. 4. Cultivate children’s social intelligence. My cousin’s daughter was also a troubled girl for a while, and was timid outside. She was obviously good at talking at home, but when she went downstairs in the community and wanted to play with other children, adults had to step in to help her and ask questions. Later, her cousin and his wife took her downstairs for a walk every day. When he saw strange children, he would take the initiative to say hello to them and participate in their games. On the one hand, she guides her daughter with her words and deeds, and on the other hand, she encourages her to have more contact with her peers so that she can establish her own small circle. Over time, she will gain the confidence to interact with others. At the same time, her cousin also consciously took her to read relevant picture books and taught her some common sense of interpersonal communication: for example, when playing with children, everyone must respect each other, toys can communicate with each other, and you can directly say what you don’t like, etc. After a period of time, the little niece will take the initiative to say hello to familiar children and happily play with them; when she sees strange children, she will also take the initiative to introduce herself… As her social skills improve, she becomes timid about going out. There was no trace of it. Children\’s nesting is not born, it is inseparable from the acquired environment and education. With good methods and correct guidance, even the most difficult children can become very cute!