Writer Dad’s Successful Parenting Experience

The awakening of parenting, seeing the relationship between Zhang Guiyong and his son Zhezhe in a new light was once very close. Because he works in educational media, he has access to many educational experts and has the habit of diligent summarization and reflection. When most fathers in China are still busy working to make money, he has already realized the importance of parent-child companionship. Zhang Guiyong has insisted on reading with his children since Zhezhe was two years old. The father and son have been studying together for 8 years and have read more than 1,000 children\’s books in total. When Zhezhe was a child, Zhang Guiyong carefully protected his son\’s childlike innocence and gained a lot of warmth and touch. Once, while riding a bicycle with Zhezhe across the road, when the yellow light was about to turn red, he was about to ride over quickly, but Zhezhe said, \”Dad, don\’t worry, wait a moment.\” Zhang Guiyong thought his son was reminding him to obey Traffic rules, but unexpectedly what his son said was: \”Dad, stop and wait for the yellow light, actually because I want to chat with you for a while.\” His heart felt very warm, and he also realized that children and adults have different ideas. Likewise, parents need to see things from their children\’s perspective. Zhang Guiyong and Zhezhe\’s mother kept this in mind in their subsequent lives and studies. Once, Zhezhe, who was in elementary school, came out of the bathroom and suddenly asked: \”Dad, how long do you think a roll of paper is?\” Adults have used countless rolls of toilet paper, and few people have thought about this problem, but since children Wanting to understand, he took action without saying a word. The father and son took out a roll of toilet paper and unfolded it completely, measuring and calculating together. After the results came out, Zhezhe happily commented on the experience: \”You will remember it after you do it once. Dad teaches better than the teacher!\” Zhang Guiyong was also happy and felt that his hard work was worth it. But as Zhezhe grew up, the relationship between father and son gradually became tense. Zhezhe started learning to swim in the middle class of kindergarten, but when he entered the fifth grade of elementary school, he suddenly became unwilling to swim. Zhang Guiyong did not want his son to give up easily. He listed the many benefits of swimming and even used his father\’s authority to coerce and induce him to continue swimming. But Zhezhe refused, and Zhang Gui was so brave that he couldn\’t help but kick him. Seeing his son crying made him feel frustrated. Later, Zhezhe\’s mother told him that part of the reason why Zhezhe was resistant to swimming was that he felt a little fat. With such a figure exposed in the swimming pool, he felt a little inferior. Zhang Guiyong suddenly realized: \”As a father, I was not careful enough and did not notice the psychological changes during the child\’s development.\” After Zhezhe entered junior high school, the pressure to study increased and he no longer kept the room as clean as before. Zhang Guiyong reminded him that a tidy room is more conducive to studying. Zhezhe tidied it up symbolically at first, but then simply said: the room is his, and he can do whatever he wants. Zhang Guiyong got angry many times over this, but Zhezhe refused to give in. Cold wars became a common occurrence between father and son. Another time, Zhang Guiyong was dissatisfied with Zhezhe\’s academic performance and said something to him. Zhezhe was so angry that he stayed in his room for a day, refusing to come out despite his parents\’ persuasion. At night, Zhang Guiyong patiently persuaded her: \”Zhezhe, come out, the room is so dark, it\’s not good for your mood!\” Unexpectedly, Zhezhe suddenly broke out: \”I don\’t like the sun, what\’s wrong? \”Later, Zhang Guiyong wrote in the book \”The Awakening of Parenting\”He wrote: \”Parents and children are like husband and wife. When they love each other, there will be conflicts, and they may hate each other as they live their lives.\” After calming down, Zhang Guiyong realized that the problems in the parent-child relationship were not because the children entered the so-called During the rebellious period, it was because I was still looking at him with the same old eyes. After finding the problem, Zhang Guiyong asked his senior brother who studies family education for advice on how to solve the problem. The senior brother suggested that he sincerely apologize to Zhezhe. Zhang Guiyong rethought the meaning of being a parent and wrote a letter of apology to his son seriously: \”Hi Zhezhe, I apologize to you first. The letter of apology was not submitted in time. It\’s not that I didn\’t write it, but I felt dissatisfied after I wrote it. I consciously reflect on it.\” It\’s not thorough and profound enough… I realize more and more that after you entered junior high school, I did not use enough force or the wrong force, which caused a lot of psychological damage to you, so I solemnly apologize to you. Now, I wield the big knife List your top ten problems to yourself…\”Always comparing yourself to your children, not looking at problems from the children\’s perspective, being stubborn and stubborn, not trusting your children enough, demanding too much, being very emotional, being too harsh on your wife and children. Insufficient care, insufficient responsibility, selfishness, lack of lofty ambitions… Zhang Guiyong analyzed his shortcomings one by one, \”Children\’s growth is a process of constant transformation. Zhezhe already has his own ideas and demands. We should give him More freedom for him.\” After he submitted his self-reflection, Zhezhe\’s mother praised him for his deep reflection. Zhezhe also started to take the initiative to talk to him and asked him to go out to eat together. The relationship between father and son returned to spring. Zhang Guiyong is glad that he put down his airs at that time: \”Some parents are unwilling to admit they have made mistakes in the parent-child relationship. In fact, not only do they fail to preserve their dignity, but they also lose the best opportunity to resolve conflicts.\” The power of communication comes to children Since the self-reflection letter came into play, Zhang Guiyong has often sorted out his education methods. When he encounters things that are difficult to talk about in person, he uses words to communicate philosophically. He turned his son from a playmate into a friend, sharing his growing experience and feelings about interacting with friends and colleagues, etc., so that his son could understand himself. Sometimes, Zhang Guiyong would take Zhezhe downstairs to have grilled fish or skewers and chat in a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere. At this time, Zhezhe would also put down his defense and tell his father about various things that happened in school. In order to enter his son\’s world, Zhang Guiyong also carefully understood the popular subculture among teenagers. In 2019, movies such as \”Young You\” and \”Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker\” were released. Zhang Guiyong wanted to watch it with Zhezhe, but Zhezhe wanted to watch the Japanese anime movie \”Fate/Stay Night\” more. As an adult, Zhang Guiyong had no interest in animation, so Zhezhe went to watch it by himself. After coming back, he kept saying that the movie was very good. In fact, Zhezhe has liked watching anime since he entered junior high school, and he also has his own opinions. Sometimes, Zhezhe and his father talked about a certain animation, and ended the conversation without a few words: \”Forget it, you don\’t understand, there is a generation gap between us!\” This made Zhang Guiyong feel mixed. Seeing his son praising \”Fate/Stay Night\” fiercely, Zhang Guiyong took the time to watch the movie despite his busy schedule, and was really attracted by its storyline. Seeing that his father was really interested, ZhezheyiZhang Guiyong also recommended several interesting and inspirational animation movies, and Zhang Guiyong accepted them all. Among them, he watched \”Attack on Titan\” for a week, and the more he watched it, the more he liked it. With the help of animation, Zhang Guiyong felt like he had entered a \”world\” that only teenagers could understand. The father and son can talk for a long time just by talking about animation, and they don\’t have to worry about having nothing in common when they get along. Zhang Guiyong also has his own strategy when communicating with Zhezhe: \”Adolescent children hate preaching, so parents should not be too nagging. If Zhezhe doesn\’t tell me his things, I won\’t force him. What I have to do is listen carefully.\” \”In his opinion, after children enter adolescence, parents must communicate sincerely with their children, and they must do something and not do something, respect the child\’s physical and mental characteristics during this period, and accept the child unconditionally, so as to gain the child\’s trust. When Zhezhe was in his first year of high school, Zhang Guiyong and Zhezhe\’s mother discussed his development direction, considering that he liked animation and drawing. After analyzing the pros and cons, they all agreed that Zhezhe could pursue a career in art, and Zhezhe was also very willing. Even though it was a little late for him to learn painting in the first year of high school, Zhezhe still tried his best and gradually managed to arrange his own study and entertainment time, and his grades improved rapidly. Now every winter and summer vacation, Zhezhe participates in closed painting training classes and works hard to realize his dream. Sometimes, he would call Zhang Guiyong: \”Dad, I miss you. I want to go home and stay for a day.\” \”Okay!\” When Zhang Guiyong heard his son say this, he immediately went to pick him up, and the father and son went to play table tennis together. , chat, take a walk. Now Zhezhe is quiet and calm, confident and calm, active and hardworking, and loves life. Zhang Guiyong admires this child who is not perfect but dares to be himself. Not long ago, father and son were standing together. Zhezhe was already more than ten centimeters taller than his father. He looked at Zhang Guiyong and said emotionally: \”Dad, you have become shorter and your hair has turned white. You should pay attention to rest.\” At that moment, Zhang Guiyong felt warmer: \”As a father, I am very happy to accompany my children; as a parent, I am the happiest. Maybe the thing is to see children fighting for their dreams.\” He also believes that as long as parents can wake up, parenting will become a kind of enjoyment.