Xiao Huanxi TV series Yingzi jumped into the sea to rebel against her mother: Don’t let your desire to control destroy the child

Over the past two days, the topic of extremely controlling parents has been a hot topic. The topic on Weibo #热 controlling parents # has been on the hot search list. It has been read 160 million times, which is amazing! Many netizens complained that their parents were too strict on themselves! In the past, I had to be controlled when I went to school, and later my parents had to control me when choosing a job. Even when I was looking for a partner, my parents had to be satisfied! I went through a lot of fussing and changing partners, all because my parents were dissatisfied and she fell in love, so I didn’t even want to find a partner anymore! Not only that, in the recent hit TV series \”Little Joy\”, the love and murder between Song Qian played by Tao Hong and her daughter also attracted endless discussions! Many netizens said: They see the shadow of their mother in Song Qian. As a single mother, Song Qian gave all her love and attention to her daughter Qiao Yingzi, and even resigned from her position as a teacher at Chunfeng Middle School for Yingzi. Just to better help my daughter study. However, such a mother who had to control everything made Yingzi very disgusted. As Yingzi entered the third year of high school, this contradiction completely intensified. Yingzi developed a serious feeling of being tired of studying, and skipping school became a common occurrence. This kind of control is painful for children and troublesome for parents too! Parents\’ strong desire to control leaves children with nowhere to escape. In the TV series \”Little Joy\”, Ding Yi is also a child who suffers miserably from his parents\’ desire to control. There is a line in it that impressed me deeply. Yingzi recalled after Ding Yi jumped off the building: One night, his parents kept looking at him like a prisoner. If you control your child like a prisoner, will your child be healthy physically and mentally? Sure enough, the child dropped out of school due to depression when he first entered college. It turns out that Ding Yi likes geology and wants to go to geology university. But his parents only let him major in finance. In desperation, Ding Yi decided to use death to end this manipulated life. Because he doesn\’t want to live his life like a prisoner. Parents\’ excessive control leaves children with no chance to breathe. After the college entrance examination, Yingzi wanted to go to Nankai University, but her mother Song Qian disagreed and insisted that Yingzi choose a school in Beijing. After many attempts to communicate with her mother to no avail, Yingzi was on the verge of collapse. She couldn\’t sleep all night long, crying alone in the dark, using her mobile phone to record the pain she had nowhere to express. In the end, she chose to rebel against her mother by jumping into the river. During the quarrel between the two parties, Song Qian asked: \”Why do you have to go to Nanda University?\” Yingzi said: \”I don\’t have to go to Nanda University, I just want to escape from you.\” Why should she escape? Because she doesn\’t want to be surrounded by her mother all the time. control. Finally, Yingzi said: Mom, I am not worthy of your love. I\’m sorry, I didn\’t do a good job as your daughter. Yingzi\’s sensibility makes people feel distressed, and Yingzi\’s helplessness makes people angry. She is kind and sensible, and has good academic performance, but she still cannot meet her mother\’s requirements. She thinks that it is her own fault for not listening to her mother. However, Song Qian\’s high expectations and demands caused her children to fight with her at every turn. She obviously liked Lego, but it was confiscated because of her mother\’s disapproval. Parents\’ strong control leaves children at a loss as to what to do: obeying their parents makes them feel wronged; obeying themselves makes them feel sorry for their parents. Guo Heng, a talented Chinese woman who graduated from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in the United States, once couldn\’t stand her father\’s behavior.His mother planned and controlled his life, and finally hanged himself. The last words she left were: No matter what, I don’t want to be scorned by others anymore and follow the rules by other people’s standards. The inner fear of parents creates a strong desire to control their children. So why do some parents have such a strong desire to control? Psychological research shows that people with strong inner insecurities usually have a stronger desire to control. Being controlling is actually a manifestation of inner fear. The reason why Song Qian in \”Little Joy\” manipulates Yingzi in everything is because of her own inner insecurity. She is afraid that others will say that she cannot educate her daughter well. There was always a voice in her heart, that is: Even if I raise Yingzi by myself, I can still raise the child well and be successful. What she thinks is good is to study well and get into a good university. Therefore, in the third year of high school, she would not let Yingzi do anything that had nothing to do with study, and would confiscate Yingzi\’s things when she was unhappy. For example, the Lego gifted by Yifan and the telescope gifted by Yingzi\’s father; she made Yingzi\’s world nothing but learning. Can you say that Yingzi\’s mother doesn\’t love her? No, very much. But that is a kind of arranged doting. All things require parental consent to proceed. Parents make choices and decisions for their children, and the children can execute them. But this just deprives children of the opportunity to become themselves. Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: \”Everyone is most powerful when he lives for himself.\” I have a friend. Her child is very good, very good at painting, and her academic performance has always been among the top three in the class. . He is usually well-behaved and cute, but in the eyes of outsiders, don\’t be too envious. However, her friends were still dissatisfied with her and would beat and scold her children when she was slightly unsatisfied in life. A friend told me: I am afraid that she will not be competitive in society in the future, that she will not be able to live a better life for herself, and that no one will care about her when she gets old. Therefore, she must be trained now. What she calls cultivation is to do everything according to your own wishes, and everything you say and do must be done according to yourself. But, is this really for the sake of the children? Or is it just to fill your own inner insecurity? Don\’t let your inner fears hurt your children. Don\’t let your need for control ruin your children. Being too controlling is not a good thing for your children. So how can parents grasp their desire for control? First: When you can’t help but try to control your child, remind yourself: He is him and I am me. A child is an independent individual. As the child grows up, his sense of independence will become stronger and stronger. Parents should learn to let go slowly and not interfere too much in their children\’s lives. One summer vacation, my daughter wanted to go out and play with friends all day long. But I was unhappy in my heart. I felt that she got up early in the morning, went out to find others after dinner, and didn\’t know how to spend time with her mother. I felt very unhappy, so I wouldn\’t let her go out. Under my strict control, she did stay at home and didn\’t go out, but she looked unhappy. It\’s been like that all day. Seeing her depressed look, I thought about it for a while, and it seemed that I had done something wrong. When my child got older, she originally liked to play with friends, but because of my own selfishness, I didn\’t let her go out. I tried hard to adjust my mentality and told my daughter that she could go outShe didn\’t know how happy she was to go play with her friends. Yes, each of us is independent and has his own unique needs. He is him and I am me. How can we imprison a child because of our own selfishness? Second: Try to communicate and give your children enough respect. When parents have disagreements with their children, they should focus on communication and not force their children. I once read such a story online. When a girl graduated from college, she was recommended to a graduate student at the same school. She called her father to discuss it, and wanted to give up the quota and take the postgraduate examination by herself. Because she wanted to study as a graduate student at her favorite school in Shanghai. The father knew that his daughter would definitely not be able to pass the exam based on her current level. So he persuaded his daughter many times, but he almost said: You must not like her. The daughter still insisted on her own ideas, and in the end the father respected her daughter\’s decision. Later, his daughter really did not get admitted to the graduate school of that university, but was transferred to an agricultural school. He said: If his daughter is not allowed to try, she will always have regrets in her heart. And if she wants to leave no regrets, she must face risks. This is what she had to experience growing up. After graduating from graduate school, the girl was admitted to the Beijing Institute of Technology to study for a doctoral degree, and now she has become a university professor. Parents learn to let go and let their children grow independently. Parents only give guidance and help to their children when they need it. This is what we parents should do. Third: What kind of person parents want their children to become, they must first become that person themselves. The best education is to teach by words and deeds. Some parents place their hopes on their children when they have regrets, forcing their children to fulfill their unfinished wishes. But some parents understand that they must first set an example for what kind of person they want their children to be. Excellent parents do not stare at their children every day and force them to study hard. Instead, they use their own actions to pursue their dreams to inspire their children. Shi Yuanyuan in \”The Story of Youth\”, her father is a teaching assistant employee in the cafeteria of Shanxi University. At the same time, he is also a professional e-sports player and has his own team. They often participate in some national e-sports competitions and win many trophies. Shi Yuanyuan’s father told his daughter: He started e-sports at the age of 34 and won a national championship. He hopes to tell his children with practical actions: they must stick to their dreams and be patient with everything. Dong Qing once said: What kind of person do you want your child to be? It’s very simple. Just be that kind of person yourself. Don\’t try to get your child to do something you can\’t do yourself.