Your child always loses his temper, here are the facts and solutions

Many people, myself included, are tortured by their temper. Especially after becoming a parent, I discovered that a person\’s temper directly affects the formation of a child\’s temper and personality. Why do many people still cannot manage their emotions well as adults? The reason is that the influence of the original family has always been there. Parents have always been troubled by the question of what to do when their children have a tantrum. When asking this question, have you ever asked yourself: \”What about my temper?\” Because the problem does not lie with the child at all, but with the parents and the family in which the child lives. One mother said that her child had a bad temper and the child\’s grandmother said to just let him go. Because his father has that temper, and his father has that temper because his grandfather also has that temper. It means it is caused by genetics and cannot be changed. I think every mother who expects her children to be excellent cannot accept this answer. Because if you accept this answer, it means you give up on educating your children, and love will be misplaced and replaced by laissez-faire. If we say that each generation is better than the next, then each generation must work hard. You really shouldn’t underestimate a person’s temperament. The same children have different achievements when they grow up, which is often related to personality, and temperament is a decisive factor. Why do children throw angry tantrums? Psychological discovery: The biggest source of anger in children is their deep-rooted belief that no one loves them. If we look at the life and experiences of a child who has a tantrum, we will find that many children feel that they are unloved. Especially if you live with your grandparents for a long time, the love from your parents may be a mobile phone number or a WeChat video. There is no warmth of love, no skin-to-skin contact hand-in-hand, and it is even harder to give a loving hug or an encouraging high-five. And some parents will say, I accompany my children every day, and I love my children so much, how can I say I lack love? Of course, parents love their children. But many times, parents are unable to convey their love to their children\’s hearts, as if you think you are love, but the other person cannot feel it. For example, I once chatted with friends, and many fathers mentioned corporal punishment, thinking that this is love. I beat him because I love him. If I didn\’t love him, I would just play cards and leave him alone. Others say that just because I love him, I work overtime every day to earn money and give him a good material foundation. How can he live a good life in the future without money? This is love! But what do children think? He saw a father who called angrily, and a father who never came home or stayed with him all year round. The biggest problem for many parents is that they think their children are happy. To eat well, to dress well, and not to let the child get hurt is love, but it means to ignore the child\’s inner feelings. Failure to pay attention to the real needs of the child\’s inner world. You know, the anger caused by the lack of love in a child\’s heart is very scary. Rebellious and indifferent, decisive and out of control. As a child grows up day by day, these angers will not disappear, but will become increasingly fermented, following him into school, into his family, marriage, and work. He himself was constantly tortured, and he also tortured those around him. When a child feels that he is not loved, he will doubtRegarding your own value, you will feel that no one cares about anything you do, so you feel inferior. He couldn\’t discover his true self, let alone control his emotions. When he is not loved, he will regard the smiles of those around him as ridicule. Consider kindness from friends as charity. Treat other people’s concerned looks as discrimination. He lowered his head and struggled, his heart twisted and full of anger. Children who like to lose their temper need more love! They need an unconditional love rather than conditional giving. If parents\’ love is conditional, they will make many demands on their children, and even make some demands that the children cannot fulfill. If you don\’t do it well, you will be reprimanded and feel deeply frustrated. Children must learn to please you instead of respecting their own inner thoughts. A person who has lost himself can never control his emotions. Only by giving your child unconditional love can your child\’s heart be enriched and he will become confident. Unconditional love brings a kind of natural freedom and can stimulate children\’s self-awareness, allowing them to find themselves and recognize themselves on the road to excellence. Such self-confidence can help children manage their emotions. We have been talking about freedom, but some people regard indulgence as freedom. Indulgence and pampering are often a reason for children to lose their temper. Because many children control their parents\’ behavior through their own temper. If parents don\’t follow their own ideas at all, they will immediately yell or even lie on the floor and act violently. At this time, if you still talk about freedom and don\’t follow rules, you will always be controlled by him. When a child makes some reasonable requests, we must satisfy him in time and don\’t wait for him to lose his temper before helping him. Speaking of this issue, there are indeed many people who like to tease their children, and the children will basically not stop teasing until they get angry. And when the child\’s needs are unreasonable and he expects to control you through his temper, the parents\’ attitude and method are very important. Be sure not to reward or punish a child\’s bad temper, but to let the child understand that there is nothing to gain and nothing to lose by losing temper. For example, if a child loses his temper after not eating, if you reward him with watching TV after eating, then after the child develops this habit, he will ask to watch TV every time he eats, which will form another bad habit. What parents need to do is to tell their children in a firm but gentle manner that you can lose your temper, but you still have to eat. Respect your child\’s freedom to lose temper and stick to your own parenting principles. This is the discipline of freedom and rules. Many people say that you want me to give him freedom all of a sudden, and you want me to give him rules all of a sudden. What should you do? The world is not black and white. Remember the \”golden mean\” our ancestors told us and don\’t go to extremes. You really need a little wisdom when dealing with a child who is having a tantrum. In this big lesson of emotional management, we are the learning models for our children. Children are always learning how we deal with our emotions. If your child\’s upsetting cries are constantly reaching your ears, you will feel like a balloon that is constantly being inflated and is about to explode. Then threaten the child with a ferocious expression, \”Shut up right now, or I\’ll beat you up!\” If this happens, you really lose. Because I use emotions to suppressControlling emotions is the most ineffective method. Instead, the parent-child relationship falls into a vicious cycle of hitting, scolding, and listening. You will see an anxious and irritable mother, and her emotional switch is actually in the hands of her child. Your child has already controlled you. So how do you deal with a child who has a tantrum? Another reason why children tend to lose their temper is that their emotions are fragile and uncontrollable, making them irritable. Parents must work hard to understand their children, learn to look at problems from the child\’s perspective, and figure out the reasons for tantrums. Parents who truly understand their children can often solve problems virtually. For children under 3 years old, it is still recommended to \”divert attention, cleverly comply with his feelings, and solve the problem at the same time.\” For example, when my son was more than two years old and didn\’t want to put on clothes after taking a bath, I would allow him to roll around in the quilt naked for a few times. I know the reason is that he likes the feeling of being wrapped in the quilt. Then, when he is in a good mood, I hug him and tell him that he might get bitten by mosquitoes even though he is still wearing clothes. At this time, he will cooperate. If you force the child to do it from the beginning, dictate what to do, suppress and threaten the child to obey, it will only make the child emotionally disturbed. As children grow up slowly, their abilities will improve and they will be able to cope with many setbacks. At this time, the children\’s intellectual development is actually very complete, but their emotional control and expression skills are not yet strong, and they need the understanding and understanding of their parents. guide. No matter what, parents must first cultivate their temper, because your calm and firm attitude is the key. When your children know that you firmly stick to your principles and will not be manipulated by your temper, then the discipline will be effective and love and rules will be in place. The two greatest growth gifts we can give our children are: unconditional love and a peaceful and firm self!