Nowadays, there are many educational theories that tell us: mothers should be sensible and gentle, and should not lose their temper casually; they should understand psychology in order to better communicate with their children. Mothers should be good role models for their children. Don’t watch dramas, gossip, and read more books. When dealing with naughty children, mothers must be patient, caring, and methodical, and not be crude and crude. A mother should have her own interests and hobbies and not revolve around her husband and children. Children like mothers who are beautiful and tasteful, so we must constantly improve our taste and learn to put on makeup… These all tell us what a successful mother, a perfect mother, and a good mother should look like. These theories look beautiful and correct. However, in reality? Everyone is an independent individual, with different growth backgrounds, different personalities and tempers, and different ways of expressing emotions. Every mother is willing to give everything to her children and change herself for them, but we still cannot have a complete temper, not express negative emotions, be able to accept everything in life gently, and remain gentle in any situation in life. The look of compassion. We are normal people, we can\’t do it. Our children are also normal people, and they need to live in a reality with emotions and various ways of life, rather than in a vacuum created by our efforts. We have the responsibility to tell our children that our mother is ourselves first, and then our mother. In fact, whether we take the education of our children as the starting point or the starting point of human nature, we do not have to force ourselves to be a perfect mother. In my opinion, for a child, a real mother with emotions and personality is more important than a perfect mother. Mother should not lose her temper with her child, but listen to him gently and accept him? The real situation is: when children make mistakes, we will be very angry, and we must be angry – expressing emotions in the correct way is beneficial to our physical and mental health, and we will not become depressed or suffer from any illness. Being angry when a child makes a mistake is helpful in forming and consolidating the child\’s view of right and wrong without making him feel that his mistake is justified. Case 1A is a very gentle mother with a gentle nature. She educates her children by teaching them principles from childhood to adulthood, so the children can listen to the principles and become familiar with their mother\’s communication mode. Once the child made a mistake, A said to the child calmly: I am really angry and even want to get angry, but I don’t want to make myself less graceful because of your mistake, so don’t talk to me now and wait until I calm down. , I\’ll talk to you again. The child behaved very carefully. During the period when his mother did not talk to him, he consciously did his homework and did not annoy his mother. An hour later, A had a formal talk with him: first let him reflect on his mistakes, then analyze the dimensions of the incident with him, and finally set rules and limits – what behaviors are absolutely not allowed if similar incidents occur in the future. Mother A in the case truly expressed her emotions to her children in a way that was familiar to her children, and set boundaries for her children. What the children felt was her mother\’s truth, her attitude towards the matter, and her bottom line. Where is the limit? Wrong rightFor him, it was truly an effective growth course. Children who grow up with true emotions learn to express their emotions truly; children who grow up with hypocritical emotions learn to hide their emotions, and they will not learn to pay for their mistakes. . Gentleness is an attitude, but for education, gentleness also requires persistence. So when facing children\’s mistakes, what we need to practice is the way we express our emotions, rather than not expressing them. The way of expressing emotions is one of the qualities that we should cultivate as social roles – not for our children, but for ourselves. Children are just one of the beneficiaries of your self-cultivation. Do mothers have to study psychology to communicate better with their children? Well, I admit that mothers who understand psychology do have some differences in educating their children, so having the opportunity to learn some psychology is of course a good thing. But we can also see that many people who understand psychology and have life experience still have problems with education. What\’s the reason? The reason is that only books and theories should be followed. Therefore, I believe that independent thinking ability, insight into things, understanding of one\’s own children, sincere love and true expression are more important than any theory. So psychology is very good, and various educational theories are also very good, but don’t be superstitious. The best way to get along with children is to be sincere – give them your truest self with the most sincere attitude. Case 2B’s mother is a colleague of mine. Her son is in the second grade of junior high school this year. Since he is the same age as our boy, we usually talk more. In our opinion, Mother B is not a very mother-like mother: she loves to eat snacks, so when her children were very young, she would compete with her children for snacks, and was criticized by her own mother. Later, when the child gets older, she will feel aggrieved and say to her: Your grandma said I should let you go, but I think it’s good for us to eat together. If we don’t have enough, we’ll buy more. Why do you have to let me let you go? As a result, when their son eats, he always leaves a portion for his mother – she is greedy. Mother B doesn’t know how to cook yet, but her children want to eat, so she learns a few side dishes. She would also directly say to her son: Your mother\’s level is just like this, so just make do with it. This is really not my interest. It would be nice if I could do this. She has never felt guilty for not being able to cook for her children, and their children also understand and recognize this state of mind. When eating at home, they basically only look at the nutritional combination and do not care about the taste. In his opinion, his mother has done her best and he can no longer be picky. Mother B is still a road addict, the kind who will take the wrong road even if she has a navigation system. Every time she talks to her son about the embarrassing things she did when she took the wrong path, she always makes him laugh. After her son despises her, he will give her advice. Therefore, it is usually the son\’s task to find the way when the two of them go out together. One guides and the other drives, and the cooperation is quite tacit. Mother B is usually a bit of a workaholic and works overtime, so she always takes her children to the office when she works overtime on weekends. During holidays, she even takes her children with her to attend internal meetings of the company, so her children are very fond of her office environment. It\’s familiar. The child saw his mother being rapedShe has a professional appearance that is respected by colleagues and recognized by leaders, so she recognizes another mother besides the confused mother in her life. Sometimes our children will joke with us: My mother can’t do anything except work. The tone was a little doting and a little proud. The child is used to his mother exchanging many stories with him, so he has gradually become accustomed to sharing his own stories with his mother. The child recognizes his mother\’s professional ability, so he still maintains the respect and awe he deserves for his mother. Mother B did not deliberately study psychology or educational theory. She was just trying to be herself: a self with weaknesses and strengths, a mother who is willing to get along with her children on an equal footing, and a mother who is willing to communicate with her children about her life and work. A friend and a role model who perseveres and works hard for his own choices. A real person, not a perfect god. For a while, I was watching a drama called \”The Pretender\”, and recently \”Ode to Joy\”. When I encounter a plot I like, I like to share it with my son and comment on it, and pull him to take a look. Then the son said to his father: My mother started to follow this kind of melodrama and turned into a normal middle-aged woman. Fortunately, I didn’t follow Korean dramas, that’s what only people with brain retards do. (Sorry, the naughty kid’s understanding is different from ours. I apologize on his behalf to my friends who follow Korean dramas.) I asked: Why was I abnormal before? My son said: Normal people should have their own interests. They need leisure after work. You don’t have any hobbies. Of course it’s not normal. Watching TV dramas is good. You can continue. Therefore, children have their own ability to judge life, and we do not need to create illusions at home for him: for example, put a pile of books at home and pretend to read them in front of him. It is a good thing to be naturally interested in books. When we are tired, we can also watch TV dramas, travel, and read some short jokes. In life, we don’t need to be elegant and serious all the time. Children prefer a relaxed life. For example, when they have conflicts with their significant other, some parents will pretend that nothing is wrong. However, I prefer to tell my child that I am angry with your dad, why did he make me angry, and I will talk to him later. Don\’t let your child worry about your relationship. Let him believe that you can work things out on your own instead of pretending to be fine. When you encounter something that is simply intolerable, swear words may come out of your mouth. However, I really think that as long as it\’s not the kind of foul language you would use on the street, it really doesn\’t matter if you say it occasionally. Children will not doubt your character because of your true temperament once or twice, and then learn bad things. If your interests revolve around your husband and children, then what else? You can tell your children directly: Mom felt very happy when she cooked dinner for you; she felt very happy when she cleaned the house. There is no need to pretend to have only elegant interests. Children will like a sincere mother. If your hobbies are traveling, meeting friends, and watching movies, and occasionally neglecting your children because of your own interests, of course it is okay. Children have known for a long time that you should have your own life; they have known for a long time that he is not the only one in your life. If you don’t like to put on makeup, just act normal when you appear in front of your child’s school or classmates. You might even startle your child if you put on makeup on purpose! usWhat you give your children should be your true self, not your disguised self. We can change for our children, or we can persist for ourselves. All choices come from your own heart, without forcing or sacrificing. For your children, they want you to be a real mother rather than a perfect mother. They need your happiness, sincerity and respect, not your sacrifice. I read an article two days ago about maternal love: seriously ill mothers choose to inflict harm on their children in order to make it easier for their children to experience happiness in the future. I don’t know if this is true or not, but I want to say: This mother is definitely wrong. The harm caused by the biological mother\’s indifference is far from being compensated by the happiness experienced in the future. For a child who lives with hatred for his mother, one can imagine the pressure and depression. So I hope all mothers understand: when you have the opportunity to love your children, please love with all your strength; it is more important for your children to lose in love than to grow up in hate! I also hope that all friends who pass on these articles will stop passing on the so-called great and so-called sacrificial maternal love. There are better ways to express maternal love and we refuse to sacrifice! When we want our children to be happy, our children also want us to be happy. We who are happy are role models for our children’s happiness and will also help our children gain the ability to be happy. We should use our own happiness to let our children learn to face life easily, instead of using our own sacrifices to tie up their hearts.