After giving birth to a child, the consequences of sleeping in separate rooms with my husband are so serious

When the child was just one year old and two months old, Y got divorced. This news is shocking. In my eyes, her marriage model is extremely strong – her parents and in-laws have good incomes, the two families live in the same small town, they are classmates in junior high school, high school, and university. They established a relationship in their freshman year and are considered childhood sweethearts; When I got married, I bought a large house of more than 100 square meters and a small mobility scooter worth 200,000 yuan with full payment. Both materially and spiritually, I was very equal. Talking about the reasons for the divorce, Y felt quite helpless: \”What I regret most is that I hired a confinement nanny and asked my mother-in-law to come and help take care of the child. This way the child\’s father has no chance to take care of the child.\” The family is not short of money, and the confinement nanny hired by Y is from a small town. The most expensive. The confinement sister-in-law is very kind and has a good way of taking care of children. She also takes care of the housework when the children are asleep. At that time, the child woke up frequently at night and often cried at night. Afraid of affecting her husband\’s rest, Y took the initiative to let him sleep in the guest bedroom farthest from the master bedroom. A month later, the confinement sister-in-law left. My husband wanted to enjoy the life of \”a hot bed with a wife and children\”, but his biological mother sent him back with one sentence: \”You have to go to work during the day. The baby wakes up too much at night. Wait until he has a full sleep.\” Come back and I\’ll set up a bed in your bedroom. If anything happens, I\’ll be there for you.\” Because she and her mother-in-law are as close as mother and daughter, Y did not express any objection. At that time, she also felt sorry for her husband who worked so hard for this family. This separation life lasted for half a year in the blink of an eye. When Y returned to work after taking maternity leave, she thought about her husband taking care of the baby with her. But after my husband came back, he was not used to having his sleep interrupted from time to time by changing diapers, making milk powder, and putting on quilts in the middle of the night. Because of poor sleep, he had a bad temper. He kept accusing Y of being \”not considerate enough. He obviously could handle it by himself, but he dragged him into trouble without understanding his hard work.\” And Y thinks: I also work during the day and take care of the baby at night. As a mother, I can bear it. Why can\’t you, a father, do it? After a lot of back and forth, in less than two months, the two people who were originally very loving became extremely quarrelsome. What\’s terrible is that the conflict between the young couple affects both parents, and the conflict between husband and wife escalates into a family conflict. The mother-in-law thought: \”My daughter also works to make money, why should she have to endure hardships alone?\”; the mother-in-law thought, \”We were alone at home and outside the home. Other women can do it, why are you so squeamish? How many men are there?\” What can a man who takes care of a baby and hangs around the cooking pot do?\”… In the end of the quarrel, neither party in the marriage was the winner. During the divorce, Y gained her daughter and lost her husband; Y’s husband lost his daughter and his stable home. Before I heard about this incident, I had been sleeping in separate rooms with my father. One of the reasons was that I was afraid that the child would wake up all the time and affect his work. The other reason was that he was sleeping too heavily and almost crushed the child one time. I was afraid that there would be Potentially dangerous. Moms around me also have many choices to sleep in separate rooms with their husbands. Especially during the confinement period, the husband will most likely be \”kicked out of the bedroom\” and replaced by his confinement nanny, biological mother or mother-in-law. A friend learned that my baby\’s father and I had been \”living apart\” and directly advised: \”No matter what, mom and dad should sleep together, otherwise the child will easily become psychologically alienated from his dad.\” When he said this, classmate Zhe could already understand He and I expressly expressed that the bed in the master bedroom belongs to him and my father’s bed is in the second bedroom. When I wake up in the afternoon and open my eyes and see my father beside me, I will instinctively push:\”Let\’s go, Dad! Mom\’s bed!\” In a healthy family, the relationship between husband and wife must be higher than the relationship between parents and children. After thinking about this clearly, I decided to let my husband move back. After the goal is clear, many originally thought difficulties can be easily solved: I am afraid that the father will crush the child, so I sleep in the middle; I am afraid that the child will fall out of the bed, so I put the bed close to the wall, with the child sleeping in the innermost position; I am afraid that the father will snore while sleeping. If the sound is too loud, it will affect the child, and habits will become natural; the child does not accept his father, so he interacts more with his father and often emphasizes that father and we are also a family… What I didn\’t expect was that when the three of us slept together, The one who doesn\’t adapt to the 1.8-meter bed is the baby\’s father – the baby is fed frequently at night and cries when he is not fed. He feels that the baby is too annoying and seriously disturbs his rest. He also thinks that it is enough for me to stay with the baby alone at night, anyway. The kids are sleeping most of the time! Hearing him say that the child is annoying, my anger suddenly jumped up – I have been sleeping with my baby for more than a year without getting bored, but you are picky and picky after only two days of sleeping! After arguing many times, I finally understood: When it comes to raising a baby, if your husband is absent all the time, he will not feel the same at all, unless he truly understands the hardships involved. Fortunately, while we were having such an argument, I caught a bad cold. My mother-in-law was traveling to Taiwan at that time, and my family was far away in Shandong and could not come in time. I had a high fever and suffered from vomiting and diarrhea, so the baby’s father could only take care of me and the baby at the same time. In those two nights, he repeated everything I did for the child: eating, making milk, brushing teeth, washing face, bathing, changing pajamas, wearing diapers, telling bedtime stories, getting up at night to cover the child with quilt n times, and at least touching the child. I had to wear diapers twice to see if I should replace them with new ones… Two days later, my health improved and I could finally play with my children while wearing a mask. That day was Saturday. After I finished reading the picture book with my child, I went to the living room and found that the father had already cut eggs and served porridge. Seeing me coming out with the baby in my arms, he had dark circles under his eyes but didn\’t complain at all. He just said: \”It\’s really tiring to take care of the baby at night. I don\’t know how you survived the past four hundred days. From now on, we will take turns taking care of the baby on weekdays.\” Baby.\” This sentence is not romantic at all, but I think it is the best love sentence: he finally understands the difficulty of being a mother… On New Year\’s Eve, a friend in Guangzhou asked on WeChat why his child always couldn\’t sleep. Stable. This is a baby daddy. After chatting for a long time, he discovered that the breast milk may not be enough. This father couldn\’t stay with his wife and children due to work reasons, but his words moved me very much. After I gave him some advice, he said, \”Thank you. I just think it\’s too hard for my wife to get up every two or three hours to feed her.\” Even thousands of miles away, I can feel his love and understanding for his wife. . For such a man, even if he is not at home, his family can still feel his care, right? But for many new dads, laziness often easily overcomes love and understanding. Therefore, after giving birth to a child, it is best for new mothers not to be \”too sensible\” and shoulder the responsibility of raising children alone. A mother who let her husband sleep in the second bedroom after giving birth said when she accused her husband of various inactions: \”I said he didn\’t care about the child, but he actually accused me of never giving him a chance, not letting him do anything, and even driving him away. Can you tell me if you can leave the bedroom?conscience? \”If you think about it carefully, her husband\’s words also make some sense. When a new life comes, as a father, every new father has considered in his heart that he will give everything for this little life, right? When we treat them in the name of caring, Blocked from being busy with the baby, they lose the opportunity to practice and enjoy their leisure time. The other half takes on the responsibility of raising children. The confinement period is an excellent opportunity. From the first day back home from the hospital, let them Witnessing the growth of a little life with your own eyes is far more meaningful than starting from when the baby can call daddy and let them rush around again. For the baby, every diaper change, every touch, every tease, every time the father makes Making milk means three words: love and responsibility. So, after giving birth to a baby, don’t sleep in a separate room with your husband. Let them witness everything you have done for the baby, which will not only make the relationship between father and son closer, but also It will allow them to witness your hard work as a mother, sympathize with your sacrifice, and gain more understanding and love.