After her mother confiscated her mobile phone, her son stopped going to school: Parents who only know how to be reasonable will never raise promising children.

I have lost count of how many times I have found a cell phone from my son’s bed. I took my cell phone and angrily asked my son: \”Why can you never remember what I said? How on earth can you understand that your most important task now is to study! Only by doing a good job in your studies can you have the freedom to play in the future. Qualifications for mobile phones…\” My son lazily opened his eyes, glanced at me impatiently, covered his head with a quilt, and continued to sleep. I lifted my son\’s quilt and forced him to continue listening to my nagging, waiting for him to give me a satisfactory answer like before, even if it was just perfunctory. However, this time my son refused to even deal with it. He threw the quilt at my feet, stared at me and shouted loudly: \”Have you said enough? Why do you think you are right? Why should I listen to you…\” Seeing my son\’s hysterical appearance, I was petrified on the spot. However, what makes me even more unbelievable is that my son did not go to school the next day. No matter how much I urged outside the door or how hard I tried to persuade him, my son kept the door tightly closed. In this way, my son and I started the first cold war in history. And during this unbearable silent time, I repeatedly thought about what went wrong that made him hate me so much, or maybe this \”hate\” had been going on for many years… until by chance, I never I heard this sentence in teacher Wu Zhihong’s lecture: “The most ineffective effort in the world is to talk truth to children from the bottom of your heart. The more truth you tell, the more disgusted the children will be and the less willing they are to communicate with you.” I Only then did I realize: It turned out that it was my \”good words and criticisms\” that aroused pride and raised my son to death. It turns out that parents who can only reason with their children will never raise promising children. Reasoning to children is the most useless way of education. In fact, I should have discovered long ago: \”reasoning\” with children is the most useless education. For example, when our children were young, we often told them: Being picky about food is not good for your health; eating too much ice cream can cause gastrointestinal discomfort; eating too much sugar can lead to tooth decay… We really care about our children, but they You can still do whatever you want. When our children grow up, we chatter endlessly to them about life, about gains and losses, about the importance of study and hard work… But what’s the result? The more you talk, the more disobedient your children tend to be. We blame children for being difficult to manage and rebellious, but we are actually blaming them wrongly. I once saw a very interesting video: a two or three-year-old girl was noisy at home, and her father said to the girl in a good voice: Please keep quiet. The girl not only refused to listen, but also angrily said to her father: \”You think I\’m noisy, that\’s why you don\’t love me!\” The girl\’s logic made her father dumbfounded. At the same time, it also once again verified the research results of Harvard University MD Daniel Siegel and brain scientist Tina Payne Bryson: \”The reason why children cannot listen to the truth is that the way parents raise their children is not in line with brain development. Laws.\” Our brain is divided into two layers, the upper layer is the rational brain, and the lower layer is the emotional brain. The development pattern of children is that they go down first and then up. In other words, for young children whose brains are not yet fully developed, the children may not understand the truth we explain at all. removeIn addition, there is an \”overlimit effect\” in psychology: \”refers to a psychological phenomenon in which stimulation is too much, too strong, or lasts too long, causing extreme psychological impatience or rebelliousness.\” Zheng Zihao in \”Metamorphosis\” , like playing computer games very much. His father, who is a lawyer, couldn\’t stand it. Whenever he got the opportunity, he would talk to Zheng Zihao about all kinds of truths: \”Do you know that playing games is wrong?\” \”You will become addicted if you play games like this, just like It\’s like smoking opium, playing with things makes you lose your mind.\” \”You have to study hard. Only when you study well can you do something for entertainment.\” Zheng Zihao seemed to have turned on the automatic blocking mode. Not only did he turn a deaf ear to his father\’s truth, Instead, he became more obsessed with games. The former Soviet educator Suhomlinsky once said: \”For any educational phenomenon, the less children feel the educator\’s intention, the greater the educational effect will be.\” Put words into the hearts of children , education can be truly effective. It is difficult for children to recognize it from the bottom of their hearts by preaching to them in a condescending manner. If a child does not recognize the truth of his or her parents, no matter how much their parents talk about it and how much they talk about it, it will be ineffective. Sometimes being reasonable is also a kind of verbal violence, which may be caused by parents\’ \”controlling desire\”. Many times, the more my son refuses to listen, the more I keep trying to reason with him. I firmly believe that as long as you keep talking, there will be a day when you \”nod your head\”. But the fact is: sometimes, being reasonable is also a kind of verbal violence. I remember one time, my son and I watched the variety show \”All the Way to Adulthood\”. In the program, \”Secretary Dakang\” Wu Gang cares very much about his son Yangyang. He requires Yangyang to call and report every incident, big or small. He also always plays the dual role of \”father\” and \”senior\” in the show, guiding Yangyang on how to perform roles, how to get along with others, and how to guard against arrogance and impatience. In the second episode of the show, he quit the show because he was going to film. Before leaving, he kept telling Yangyang: \”Whenever you do anything, consider the worst-case scenario. You must learn to persevere and be patient. If others need help, lend a hand. You must have team spirit…\” Yang Although Yang nodded while listening, his expression became increasingly impatient. Seeing this, my son suddenly stared at me and said, \”Mom, when you keep trying to reason with me, my heart is as painful as Yang Yang.\” At that time, I didn\’t understand why my son said that, but now I understand . As a psychology teacher said: \”Parents\’ nagging seems to be concern, but it is actually a kind of chronic psychological torture.\” Because parents\’ endless nagging is, to some extent, a kind of distrust and An accusatory expression. This will bring a lot of psychological pressure to the child, trigger negative emotions in the child, and damage and destroy the child\’s self-esteem and self-confidence. I once saw a netizen confiding: \”Growing up, no matter how big or small, my mother has been nagging me. The more I hide, the more severe my mother\’s accusations are. The more I confront my mother, the more serious my mother\’s punishments are. All day long. Living with anger, depression, and low self-esteem, now I no longer know what the joy of learning is, what the meaning of life is, and what the joy of living is!” Parents’ endless nagging and preaching are no different from the harm they bring to their children.caused by verbal violence such as hitting and belittling. There is a saying in positive discipline that is particularly good: \”Only when a child feels better, he can do better.\” Only when parents put down their superior preaching and give their children respect and recognition, can children gain confidence and become better. The better come. In the book \”Don\’t wait until your children grow up to regret that you have done too much now\”, there is a sentence that is particularly heartbreaking: \”Children\’s problems are closely related to their parents\’ performance.\” If the child is wrong, it must be the parents\’ fault. There is something wrong with the education method. Therefore, after raising my son to death, I decided to change my approach to managing my son. 1. Use experience instead of reasoning. I have read this sentence: \”Experience and comparison are the best teachers. There are too many things that you will never understand if you have not experienced them.\” This sentence also applies to children. A teenage boy in Hangzhou is obsessed with games and doesn\’t want to go to school. Dad tried to reason with him, but he didn\’t listen. Then, the father made a surprising decision: take his son to visit the vegetable market at 4 o\’clock in the morning, and see the vegetable farmers who want to sleep but can\’t; look at the vendors who are working hard to make money and live. ;Look at how cruel and difficult the adult world is; and then think about what your parents have paid behind your own comfortable life? As a result, the boy not only realized his mistakes, felt the cruelty of life and the hardships of his parents, but also understood why he must study hard. I also followed the example of this father in Hangzhou. I took my son to see the young people on the factory assembly line, took my son to see the office buildings at two o\’clock in the morning, and took my son to experience how much money I could make by moving bricks for a day or picking up bottles for a day. The result was as I expected. My son took the initiative to hand over his mobile phone and determined to study hard. Montessori said: \”If I hear it, I forget it; if I see it, I remember it; if I do it, I understand it.\” Educating children is a process of allowing them to slowly understand. It is difficult for empty theories to penetrate into children\’s hearts. Only by letting children feel it through personal experience can children truly understand and understand some truths. 2. Use retreat to advance instead of head-on confrontation. My son especially likes to play games. No matter I tried to persuade him earnestly, yelled at him angrily, scolded him, or forcibly unplugged the Internet cable at home, my son would not listen. Sometimes, he would even fight me like an enemy. It wasn\’t until I accidentally saw a video of Olympic champion Deng Yaping that I discovered: Rather than confronting children head-on, it\’s better to retreat in order to advance. Deng Yaping\’s son was also very obsessed with games for a while. Deng Yaping did not blame him or force him to quit gaming, but gently told him: \”If you really like playing games, you can go the e-sports route.\” After that, Deng Yaping took her son to inspect two A top e-sports club, let my son know their routine and see how they train. As a result, when my son heard that e-sports required training for 12 hours a day, he immediately gave up. Psychologist Adler said: \”Confronting children will only lead to failure. You can never defeat children, let alone cultivate their spirit of cooperation through confrontation.\” If we want to make children willing to cooperate with us, \”retreating to advance\” is the best way to make children willing to cooperate with us. Good idea. Because, standing on the opposite side of the child, the strongIf you forcefully reason with your children, it will arouse their rebellious emotions and make them develop in the opposite direction. But conveying our support, respect, acceptance and recognition to children, giving them opportunities to try and make mistakes, and allowing them to learn to grow on their own will be more effective than any advice and help. 3. Use humor instead of harsh preaching. There is a particularly popular video abroad. The 14-year-old daughter wanted to wear short shorts to school. In order to stop her, the father specially put on a pair of short shorts to demonstrate to his daughter: \”Take out your shorts and see how short they are? Compare whose shorts are!\” \”If you wear these to school now, I will wear these pants to pick you up from school every day.\” The father\’s funny look made his daughter smile crookedly, and it also perfectly resolved a conflict between father and daughter. Looking back on the tit-for-tat arguments between my son and I, and the criticisms as if in a denunciation meeting, I have to admit: \”Humor is the best way to relieve hostility.\” Because humorous communication will Allowing children to see their parents\’ sincerity will help them automatically relieve hostility and easily accept their parents\’ suggestions in a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere. For children, love as gentle as the spring breeze is the most powerful education. There is this passage in \”New Chinese Parenting\” that is worth pondering for every parent: \”There are two types of parents in this world. One type is the \’old-fashioned\’ parents, who use a set of education methods they have received in the past to educate their children. , if their children do not perform well, they usually only think that there is no problem with traditional education, but that it is the children. One type is \’learning\’ parents, who will explore educational methods that keep pace with the times. If their children do not perform well, they will I will reflect and then find better ways to educate my children.\” Raising children is a spiritual practice. Big Movie + All Two Seasons of Lilo & Stitch Complete Episodes Free to Watch in Ultra-HD 1080P We may not be perfect parents, but we can be a growth-oriented parent. As long as we are willing to reflect on our mistakes, are willing to change from now on, and are willing to put our understanding, respect, and recognition of our children above the authority of our parents, we will surely be able to raise a child with love in his heart, light in his eyes, and someone who lives up to expectations. children.