Before you discipline your children, please learn to love them first! You must understand these 4 points

At a lecture, a mother once asked me: \”Teacher Li, many parenting books now promote the educational concept of \”love and freedom\”. I think it makes sense, but I am a little troubled: Giving children freedom is Doesn’t it mean not to “control” the child? If you restrain the child and set many rules for the child, does it mean that you don’t give him enough freedom?” In fact, loving children and setting rules for children are never opposites. Dr. Wang Tao’s \”Rules\” The book \”With Love\” gives a very wonderful explanation of this issue. The core point of the book is: love that embodies rules and rules of love. In terms of children\’s outlook on life, world view and behavioral habits, we must set rules for children and help them control. At the same time, we must allow children to freely choose and think freely in details, and ultimately achieve self-management. This is love for children. If you want to know how to love your children, you must first understand these four points: Learn to be a parent first, and then educate your children. Learning to be a parent should come before educating your children. Learning to be a parent is the prerequisite for educating your children. Nowadays, young people born in the 80s and 90s Parents themselves are only children who are favored by their parents and become parents of their children before they know how to be their parents\’ children. Some of them treat their children as pets. They like them when they are happy. When they are unhappy, they vent their emotions to their children without reservation. The unhappiness at work is also passed on to their children. Sometimes the children will watch their mother\’s expressions and actions. Unconsciously, the child\’s young mind is harmed. No one is born a qualified parent. Every parent needs to learn and grow. They must have a sense of learning and a humble attitude that is willing to grow again. Parents\’ self-growth and change are often very difficult in reality. This requires their own self-discipline. Continuously make progress together on the path of children\’s growth. Maintain the consistency of education – parents should have a unified stance. In current Chinese families, the children are basically taken care of by the elderly, while the young people work hard outside. If several generations live under the same roof, there will inevitably be differences in educational concepts and methods. Dr. Wang Tao believes that intergenerational education can only be a supplement to parent-child education, but cannot replace it. In terms of rules and education, we must first obey the children\’s parents for three reasons: first, parents are the first persons responsible for raising and educating children, and children are the children of their parents, not grandparents; second, intergenerational education often It is easy to cause doting; thirdly, parents are more likely to accept new ideas and new things, which will help their children grow. When disagreements arise over children’s education in traditional families, the father should step forward and act as a mediator between his wife and his own mother. Of course, the same educator also has the problem of consistency, that is, the rules cannot be changed overnight, leaving children at a loss. Don\’t let your children suffer from \”father\’s lack of love syndrome\”. Nowadays, many children in Chinese society have \”father\’s love deficiency syndrome\”. The reason is that many people have misunderstandings. They believe that it is the mother\’s responsibility to accompany and raise their children, and that the father is responsible for working hard and making money. Yes, if a man spends too much time with his children and family, he will be labeled as \”good-for-nothing\”. In fact, the father\’s role is unique and irreplaceable. The way a child treats and behaves is largely influenced by his father, andFrom their father, children can learn to take responsibility and assume responsibility. In adolescence, children will pursue authority and power. Therefore, fathers should accompany their children attentively while they are still young to establish a loving connection and the authority of rules. In addition, children who lack father\’s love will develop various behavioral and psychological problems, which will seriously affect the child\’s future life, work and family, and cannot be ignored. Cultivate children\’s EQ – EQ is more important than IQ. Big data research shows that people with high EQ are more likely to achieve inner happiness and satisfaction. Simply put, a harmonious marriage, smooth work, and smooth interpersonal communication are all directly related to EQ. This book introduces very practical methods on how to cultivate children\’s emotional intelligence: such as cultivating a positive and objective self-awareness, helping children learn to control their emotions, stimulating children\’s inner motivation, cultivating children\’s empathy, and how to help children establish cooperation. The consciousness waits! Love your children correctly and use love to set rules for your children. When disciplining children, we must grasp the unity of rules and love. We believe that there are no children who cannot behave themselves, only parents who cannot do them!