Can\’t afford to lose? Can\’t afford to be hurt? How to improve children’s resilience

The summer vacation has just begun, and the staff at Shaoxing Railway Station have already intercepted 24 children who had run away from home. According to statistics, the reason why these children ran away from home was because they were scolded by their parents for playing games, and some children did not want to attend tutoring classes during the summer vacation… According to statistics from the Chaoyang District Police Station of the Beijing Municipal Public Security Bureau, more than 90% of the cases of missing children, All come from children running away from home. In July 2013, 9-year-old Wen Yuzhe ran away from home after being beaten several times by his father for not doing his homework well. He was found in another city two years later; \”Take care of you\” and ran away from home, he took his schoolbag and went to his hometown to find his grandma, and his grandma lived in a certain city in Guangdong… Some of these runaway children were lucky enough to be found, and some The whereabouts of our children are still unknown….What happened to our children? In addition to young children running away from home for ridiculous reasons, there are also college entrance examination students who failed in the exam and jumped off the building to commit suicide; a teenager who brutally murdered his classmates because of their jokes; and a Fudan student who poisoned his roommate because of conflicts over trivial matters in life. Top students… We will find that the causes of these events are not earth-shattering or unjustifiable events. Some are even just trivial matters in life, but they lead to tragic events that cannot be reversed. The reason why these children and young people eventually cause tragedy is that, in addition to being affected by the environment, they have one thing in common: low frustration resistance. In the field of psychology, this “frustration resistance” refers to psychological flexibility. What is psychological resilience | resilience? Psychological resilience (resilience) refers to the phenomenon that individuals who have experienced or are currently experiencing severe stress/adversity have no obvious negative impact on their physical and mental functions, and even develop well. What are the characteristics of people with high psychological resilience? 1. More positive emotions. People with high psychological flexibility | People with strong resistance to frustration are more able to experience happiness and joy. Block and Kremen (1996) found that people with high psychological flexibility are better emotionally adaptable and more tolerant. 2. Stronger emotional balance ability. People with high psychological flexibility are more able to self-coach, are more \”calm\” when encountering setbacks, and feel less \”feeling incompetent\”. 3. Be able to cope with stress better. People with high psychological flexibility can better adapt to the environment and meet challenges. 4. Higher creativity. As early as 1996, Fergusson & Lynskey found in experiments that people with high psychological flexibility have higher IQ and EQ, and higher creativity. This is attributed to greater tolerance and the ability to deal with stress and setbacks head-on. How to enhance psychological resilience? 1. Supportive family relationships. Research has found that enthusiastic and timely care, careful nurturing and a warm and supportive parent-child relationship have a positive effect on the development of children\’s psychological resilience. The sense of security provided by parents allows children to form healthy attachment relationships. Family disharmony, marital quarrels, and indifferent family relationships are not conducive to the establishment of psychological flexibility. 2. Let children build self-confidence. Watt (1995) found that children with high psychological flexibility are more confident in their self-worth. When your child faces setbacks, don’t be the first to do it all for your child. Many parents are reluctant to let their children suffer a little grievance, but setbacks are actually the best education. 3. Cultivate children’s planning ability. Research has found that people with the ability to plan are better able to deal with the \”trouble\” in life. Children will benefit immensely if their planning skills are developed from an early age. 4. Broaden children’s horizons. What is the horizon? Vision determines the pattern of our life. Vision determines how much we can see and how far we can go. The pattern of life after adulthood is often limited by vision. Broaden children\’s horizons and let them know that there is more than one solution to many things. There is also a second, third, and even a hundredth kind. When he knows that a certain way will not work, there are other options available and he will not be \”at the end of the road.\” What children need to learn is the courage and confidence to find \”one hundred\” solutions to problems. Taking children out to observe and experience is always the best way to learn. Parents and friends, it’s summer vacation, take your children to see the world. Rabindranath Tagore said: \”The world I have come to along the way is nourished by many setbacks in life.\” We try our best to protect our children, but we don\’t know that small setbacks are actually the best education. Don\’t deprive your children of their right to experience frustration and depression. Because this is necessary for growth. As Lu Yao said: \”Frustration is just an ordinary stumbling block to a new realm.\” Face setbacks with a normal mind and grow in setbacks. Frustration is the best education.