My child is a scumbag! After three years of pain, I realized something, and everything has been different since then…

In the past few years, I have been very angry about my son\’s meals. If there were 100 times when I felt so angry that I wanted to crush him, 99 of them were while he was eating. Just eating with my son makes my heart feel like it is hanging on a fire. It takes an hour to eat a meal, and each mouthful requires five minutes of fingering and groping with the rice. I have to be urged and scolded every time before I can swallow it. In the end, I always slap the table with a red face in anger. , the son ended in shock and fear. Because of my son\’s eating problems, I don\’t want to take him to eat with families with children of the same age, because I\’m afraid to see other children eating so hard that the comparison will drive me crazy. Also because of my son’s eating problems, I was recently “criticized” by the kindergarten teacher. In the four months after entering the kindergarten, the teacher reported to me more than once that Xiao Shuer could not eat by himself. If he was not fed, he would look around to watch other children eating, and he would also eat slowly and often not finish his meal. …I originally imagined that my son\’s bad habit of eating could be completely eliminated under the kindergarten\’s limited meal time, the influence of the children around him, and the teacher\’s discipline methods, but it didn\’t happen! without! have! Under such a blow and strong psychological pressure, my tolerance for my son not eating well was on the verge of collapse. Last month, I took my son to have dinner with relatives. As usual, he played with the food and vegetables. He only had a few bites in half an hour, while his cousin, who was 4 months younger than him, had already finished the meal. What\’s even worse is that after the son saw his cousin eating the lollipop that he won, he simply turned away from his job and started yelling for a lollipop. I said that my brother got a reward for finishing the meal, and you have to finish the meal, but he just refused. This made me so angry that I dragged him and the dining chair to a corner. My son burst into tears… Once again, my son\’s eating problem made me lose control of my emotions. My relatives pulled me and said: You are too nervous and too strict. What you do will only make him feel embarrassed, and he will hate eating even more. Procrastinating while eating is a habit that has been developed for a long time, and it is also a solidified coordinated rhythm of chewing and digestion. It will definitely be harder and more patient to change habits that were not developed in childhood! It’s true, my son has been fed by adults ever since he started taking complementary foods. Before and after one year old, there was no stage where he would grab a spoon to eat by himself, but this was suppressed. Firstly, I was completely unaware of the seriousness of missing the sensitive period of independent eating. Secondly, I was pregnant with my second child at the time, so I left more of my son’s feeding to my grandma, who was completely disgusted by letting her child grab food and mess around. Her philosophy is the same as that of most elderly people: \”The most important thing is to eat enough. First, expand your stomach. Then you will naturally eat by yourself after entering kindergarten.\” Facts have proved that people will not suddenly change their habits after entering kindergarten. And it is difficult to prove whether the stomach is enlarged or not. Due to the long-term feeding habit, my son has developed conditioned reflexes such as \”I eat only when you feed me\” and \”Eating is boring, you must play something or watch TV\”. Therefore, holding rice in the mouth and eating slowly does not mean that the child really wants to be naughty. This is a limitation of ability that cannot be broken through at one time, not to mention how much this eating habit was allowed before.of. \”Your son is much taller than his peers and is growing well in all aspects. What are you worried about?\” a relative asked me. \”Of course it is important and good to be able to eat by yourself and eat well, but there is no Develop good habits and you won\’t get mad.\” Wow, every sentence touches my heart. On the way back with my son that day, I started thinking, why do I have to be so difficult about this matter? Is it because when you see him eating poorly, you feel annoyed that you didn\’t develop good habits for him when he was a child? Or is it because mainstream parenting advocates that children should learn to be independent and independent? If they don\’t do well, they will think of how they will be good in the future. In fact, there are all of them. The reason why I am so crazy and anxious is nothing more than the expectation lines I have set up by myself. The closer the child is, the prouder we are. The further away the child is, the anxious we become. It seems that the child is a remote control car in our hands. But why do we set this expectation line for our children? What is its significance? Is there any better value than making us anxious and scaring our children? I wonder if Xiao Shuer has inherited her father’s eating gene. She always feels uncomfortable if she doesn’t do something while eating. She either takes a few bites and then stops to look at her phone, or she likes to watch TV while eating. Because the apartment we moved into two years ago had a separate dining room and living room, and there was no TV in the dining room, my father complained more than once that eating was too boring, and there were many times when he would run to the living room halfway through the meal and lie on the sofa to watch it. Turned on the TV. When I asked him if he had finished his meal, he said that he had not yet and that he would eat after taking a rest (blood spurted out from my mouth). It seems that Xiao Shuer\’s father is also a scumbag, but this has no impact on his study, work, and life – he has been a top student since he was a child, has a smooth journey, is quite successful in his career, and is responsible for the high-level management of the company. After figuring out the issue of expectations, I suddenly relaxed. Eating is originally a life experience. Normally, you are happy because you can taste delicious food. But for children who procrastinate when eating, it is difficult to experience this kind of happiness. The appeal of food to them is obviously limited, and in the long-term eating method, they may have already lost the feeling of delicious food (this is also the biggest problem in feeding). Therefore, if you really want to improve their ability to eat, first and most important, start by creating a good experience. So from the beginning of these two weeks, I told myself every day: It doesn’t matter how much you eat, it doesn’t matter if you eat quickly or slowly, it’s important if you eat happily. I began to give him the greatest encouragement for every little progress he made. If he ate a piece of meat that he would not otherwise eat, I would definitely say: \”You can actually eat the piece of meat. Did you find out? In fact, you We can do it all.\” On the other hand, I also constantly reinforced to him the concept that \”everyone needs to be responsible for his or her own eating behavior.\” I bought a 30-minute hourglass and told him: \”When the leakage is finished, mom needs to take your plate away regardless of whether you have finished your meal. During this process, mom will never ask her again.\” I was urging you like that before, so you have to remember to eat as quickly as possible.\” Then, I stopped paying attention to him, and my father and I took care of our own meals. Under such training, the results are obvious. And more importantly, eating is notThings that once again broke the parent-child relationship gradually turned into things that my son and I worked together to do well. Little Shuer likes the feeling of receiving all kinds of encouragement while eating. Eating is an ability developed through long-term hand-eye coordination exercise and the coordination of the eating and digestive system. Children who eat well and eat quickly have 4G traffic in their esophagus; children who eat slowly have 3G traffic in their esophagus. Achieving speed is not a matter of giving an order, but of strengthening configuration, system upgrades, debugging and running-in. a series of processes. If we must set a standard for children to eat, such as eating a bowl of rice that we think is enough within 30 minutes, and not being picky eaters, then if the child can achieve the best or cannot, please try Be encouraging and tolerant. I believe that it is the wish of every parent for their children to eat well, because the biggest benefit is to give parents a psychological comfort. The more my children eat, the better they will grow. Therefore, if the baby is still young, parents must seize the time to train the baby\’s ability to eat independently. After all, my child is three and a half years old, and I am still working on improving eating. I feel a little regretful.