The biggest problem for 99% of parents is that they \”observe\” themselves too little and \”control\” their children too much

One evening I took my children to play on the path outside. A mother and her son hurriedly came to the side. The son was walking ahead with his schoolbag on his back, sometimes facing left, then right, occasionally lowering his head to pick up stones on the roadside to look at. Mom was following behind. He probably couldn\’t stand the way his son walked, so he yelled, \”You don\’t have eyes, you don\’t know how to walk!\” The little boy didn\’t seem to hear anything and continued with his game. In the end, the mother was so angry that she quickly caught up and hit her son on the back of the head. \”You can\’t walk well, it\’s because your ears are hard to use! Are you deaf?\” At this time, the primary school student son in front of him walked with his head hunched. If I hadn\’t seen it with my own eyes, I couldn\’t believe that a mother would scold her child for such a thing. Who was provoked? Suffer such a big sin. How do children feel when they live with such a mother? I thought if it were me, I would go crazy. My mother\’s harsh yelling was left in the quiet air. Not to mention, there are many such parents. You care too much about your children and never see your own problems. Parents always want their children to be obedient, but are what they see, think, and say correct? I saw a message from a mother a few days ago: The child at home is really difficult to discipline. Every time I talk to him very kindly, he still disobeys. It only works when I yell, and sometimes it doesn’t work. It\’s up to me to take action. In fact, I have a bad temper, and I know it very well, but I find that now at home, I am always getting angry or preparing to get angry. I regret every time I get angry because I\’m afraid of hurting him, and I also find that my son\’s temper is getting worse and worse, and he can\’t control it like me. What should I do? In fact, I have seen messages like this more than once. Too many mothers have this trouble. Every time I see it, I feel that today\’s parents really want their children to be \”obedient\”. Because everyone likes obedient children. For example, when it is time to eat, the child eats well, when it is time to sleep, the child jumps to bed, when it is time to go to school, he goes out happily, and when he enters the school, he gives a bright smile. Of course it is good to be \”obedient\” like this. It is what parents like and what children need, because it is part of their growth and life. Why do children disobey? It’s because we are not robots, but human beings with seven emotions and six desires. Many times, parents don\’t understand and take too much control, which can arouse resistance in children. My kid is very obedient and never buys random things when he goes to the store. If he buys a lollipop one day, he thinks it is a great thing. I remember one day, I took him to the store to pick up the express delivery. Several children were there buying a candy with cards inside. At this time, he was fascinated by it and wanted to buy one to see. I was also worried about something at that time, so I didn’t agree, so I took him back and went back. He seemed to be a different person at that time, standing there motionless, pouting and frowning. \”Why are you disobedient? I said you can\’t eat that kind of candy. Go back quickly.\” He refused to obey and started crying. At this time, I got angry and dragged him back. When the child\’s mother came back, she realized that he didn\’t want to eat it.Sugar, but wanted to see what cards the older kids were playing with. Children\’s curiosity is endless. At that time, you can squat down and ask him what he thinks, and make an appointment to show him. In fact, he is not old enough and has no playmates, so he cannot play with those card toys for long. It\’s completely because I take too much care of myself and don\’t respect my children\’s ideas. Many parents have this thinking: I have talked to you kindly and you still don\’t listen, so I will be harsher on you, so I lose my temper with my children, threaten, intimidate and scold them. Doing so not only creates a gap between yourself and your children, but also sets a bad learning target for your children. Think about it carefully, aren’t your children’s temper tantrums learned from you? In families, mothers often take on more responsibilities for educating and caring for children. But after this mother took the dominant position, the overly strong mother actually affected the formation of the child\’s personality. The famous Austrian psychologist Adler made a wonderful conclusion, \”If the mother is more authoritative and nags other people in the family all day long, girls may imitate her and become mean and picky; boys may They always stand on the defensive, are afraid of being criticized, and try to find opportunities to show their submission.\” Because when mothers always accuse and criticize their husbands, they are actually blaming and criticizing all men. As a man, a son will inevitably follow his father\’s example. Hiding in a deserted corner. Psychological consultation has found that generally strong mothers do not raise strong sons, but mostly weak or even hopeless children, which often put excessive pressure on the children\’s minds. One mother left a message and said that she noticed that her child had a problem. For example, if she accidentally spilled water on the ground, she would say sorry to us. If she accidentally knocked something over, she would also say sorry. The child is always cautious and seems very nervous. I asked him why he wanted to apologize. He said he was afraid that grandma would get angry with me. I felt very uncomfortable at the time. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Did I scare him? This is why family education puts too much pressure on children. Home should be the place where children feel most relaxed and secure. However, parents who control too much will make children become cautious, and may even hide from you or avoid you. They will be unable to open up to their parents and are afraid to go home. They would rather play outside after school. Over time, the parent-child relationship will get worse and worse. I remember that there was a time when my mother came over and my son was very happy because the old man would allow him to watch cartoons when he came. But I don’t really like him watching it, especially since it’s stipulated that he can’t watch it in the morning. One day, I went out early in the morning. When I opened the door gently and pushed open the door, I found that my son was busy turning off the player in a panic. The action was really fast, and he thought I didn\’t see it, although it was a little bit… Nervous, but still pretending to have done nothing. My mother was watching a movie with headphones, and my son was watching cartoons on her mobile player. I asked him, \”What were you doing just now?\” \”Nothing.\” \”Really?\” \”Really.\” I thought to myself, and I learned to lie, but isn\’t this the result of me caring too much?I didn\’t expose him. If a little child does this, it must be my problem. There is something wrong with my education. I decided to change myself. In the afternoon of the next day, I called him over and said, \”What cartoon do you want to watch? Tell dad and I will play it for you.\” His expression was very surprised at that time, as if he couldn\’t believe what I said. \”From now on, you can do your cartoon time from 5:30 to 6 o\’clock in the afternoon. You can\’t watch it at other times, okay?\” \”Okay!\” \”Just tell dad what cartoon you want to watch, and you can watch it as you like.\” Okay. Alas! The children cheered. And from that day on, he never hid from me again. Instead, I watch it for a while every afternoon, and when the time comes, I will take the initiative to turn off the TV. I will even turn off the TV before eating and come to the dining table to eat. This once again made me see the power of guidance. \”To control the water, it is better to block than to sparse, and to teach children, it is better to prohibit than to guide.\” When we trust and understand children instead of blindly controlling them, their egos will be stimulated. The power of positive encouragement and positive role models from parents will inspire the good side of children. Little children have sensitive hearts. As parents, we must be careful and take good care of our children. If we care too much, it may appear to be \”love\”. But excessive control is a kind of love that can make people feel suffocated. As children grow up, their psychology continues to develop. If parents do not learn and grow. Instead, she loses her temper, which is naked harm to the child, just in the name of love. Educating children is a self-cultivation. The difficult thing is not how to manage children, but how to \”observe\” yourself. Observe your parents’ own hearts and behaviors to improve yourself.