Want to raise optimistic and interesting children like Fu Yuanhui? Be a respectable parent first

Only if we learn to be ourselves first will our children be able to be themselves. Only as your own parents can you firmly choose your children between face and children. This time, we put down our dignity and chose the Olympic spirit. This is Du Li, who missed her first gold medal in the 2008 Beijing Olympics. She won the championship in the women\’s air rifle finals at the 2004 Athens Olympics and was highly anticipated at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. In the end, Du Li only finished fifth in the finals. In an interview after the game, Du Li said that her mentality affected her performance, because before, everyone believed that she must win the gold medal. There was even a liquor company that made a promise to her – winning the first gold medal would be a reward. With tens of millions of words, her mental burden was so heavy that it was difficult for her to perform at a normal competitive level. If the gold medal is the face in our minds, at that time, we valued face more than the Olympic spirit. This was Du Li’s last shot in the women’s 10-meter air rifle final at the 2016 Rio Olympics. Du Li only won the silver medal in the end, which announced that the Chinese delegation had no gold medal on the first day of the Rio Olympics. But from netizens’ comments, we see tolerance and understanding. \”Winning the gold medal is a good thing, and runner-up is not shameful. The Olympic spirit encourages more people to love sports and love life.\” \”It is gratifying to win the championship, but more important than the championship is the enterprising spirit of endless struggle and struggle. \”Competitive sports are cruel, but everyone who goes all out deserves applause.\” This time, we put down our face and chose the Olympic spirit. From being \”gold only\” to looking down on gold medals, we no longer dwell on face, but pay more attention to the process. This is a change in the entire social culture, and it is also a harvest more valuable than gold medals. Suddenly I thought, should education change along with the progress of the entire social culture? Between face and children, how many times have we hurt our children by choosing face? Maybe it’s time to change. Face OR Child\’s Nature During the Children\’s Day Performance in Kindergarten, I saw this scene: Before the performance started, a little girl suddenly ran onto the stage and danced alone. She was dancing happily as if no one was around, but she was scolded and taken away by her embarrassed father. The little girl\’s happiness was suddenly interrupted, and she struggled in her father\’s arms with a look of horror and dissatisfaction. This scene reminds me of the story \”The Gift of Imperfection\”. The author said that she took her daughter to buy shoes. A popular song was playing at the shoe counter, and her daughter started dancing on the spot. There happened to be three ladies who also brought their children to buy shoes. Everyone stared at her daughter doing a strange robot dance. She was also quite embarrassed at the time. When the little girl next to the noble lady made fun of her daughter, her daughter was immediately at a loss, her body froze, and she looked at her, as if asking: \”Mommy, what should I do next?\” Unexpectedly, the author looked at her. The daughter said: \”You can add the scarecrow\’s movements to it!\” So the daughter continued to dance happily. The author said that thank God, between face and her daughter, she chose to stand on her daughter\’s side. Recently, Chinese Olympic athlete Fu Yuanhui became an internet celebrity overnight because of her candid style, and everyone fell in love with herThis real and optimistic girl. After watching her mother\’s performance, I understood why this girl was so interesting and free-spirited. On Fu Yuanhui\’s Weibo, netizens ridiculed her for bending the swimming pool in order to show off her long legs. Instead of scolding her daughter for losing face, her mother cheerfully gave her several likes. It turns out that behind every optimistic and confident child there is a mother who doesn’t care about face. I think what is more important than face must be the happiness of the child. If, one day, you see others pointing fingers and talking about your child, please use all your strength to resist it. Don’t glare at your child and say, “Please, don’t be so exaggerated, okay? !” Face OR Children’s Autonomy My friend Xiao Rui often complains to us: “I think back then, if I had continued to learn piano, I would have become famous by now, and maybe I could have a solo concert. The teacher who taught me piano back then was a really awesome person. A musician, he also praised me for my talent…\” The conversation often started to turn here, \”Oh! If my father hadn\’t failed in business, our family would have no money to send me to piano lessons…\” Soon, her dim eyes would show Brightened again: \”But now that I have money, I must hire the best teacher to let my son learn piano well!\” Unfortunately, her talent was not passed on to her son. As far as we know, the kid has no interest in piano at all. What he likes is street dancing. He also hopes to have a solo performance, but it will be on the street near the subway station. Therefore, it was a kind of pain to watch this child learn the piano. He was simply picked up by his mother and pressed on the piano bench. All his fingers seemed to be shackled, and the tunes he played were just like his mood, angry and depressed. Xiao Rui was very angry and scolded her son: \”I spent so much money to hire a teacher for you, but you can\’t study hard and give me some credit! Let those people see that although I can\’t become a pianist, my son can…\” I want to say that the face you want to regain is your business, not the child\’s. Children are individuals that are completely independent of us. Their lives should be planned by themselves, not to fulfill their parents’ dreams. Children are not plasticine that we can mold into any shape we want. Between face and the child\’s independent personality, we should choose without hesitation to respect the child\’s independent personality and their right to choose freely. What\’s more, our experience cannot guide the children who belong to the future at all. In this case, why not give the right of choice back to the children? I think what is more important than face must be the child\’s autonomy. Besides, if you really can\’t lose, why can\’t you rely on your own strength to realize your dreams? Jing Yidan, who became a CCTV host at the age of 33, said: \”It\’s never too late if you want to change yourself.\” Face or child’s hurt heart A girl once told me an experience from her childhood: Once, she had a quarrel with her classmates in the classroom. Because she was usually quite naughty, when the teacher saw her, he called her over, thinking that she was causing trouble again. Without saying a word, he accused her, saying that she did not abide by classroom disciplines, should not quarrel loudly, and affected other people. She apologized to her classmates. In fact, it was her classmates who bullied her first and stole her pen, so the teacherThe teacher\’s accusation made her feel aggrieved. She was unwilling to apologize because she felt wronged. The teacher called her father to school. When she saw her father coming over, she wanted to tell him her grievances, but unexpectedly, he said, \”How dare you say that! You quarreled with your classmates and still refused to apologize. Don\’t you feel embarrassed?!\” In fact, her father is very good at home. Okay, I almost never hit or scold her, but now I don’t know why, but she suddenly became a different person. It was this psychological gap that made her feel as if she had been slapped hard. The girl said: \”You know, I don\’t care about the teacher\’s accusations, but my father\’s words are hard for me to accept. I feel that my father has betrayed me. His betrayal has hurt me far more than being bullied by my classmates.\” I was wronged by the teacher.\” In fact, I knew that her father behaved like this because of the change of scene. At home, with no outsiders, Dad can be his true self. But at school, when facing teachers and other classmates, his daughter was criticized, and the father felt that he could not hold on to his face. His true self was distorted, and he only focused on venting his emotions in anger, and no longer had the time to understand his daughter\’s feelings. I wonder if the father will regret his behavior when he hears his daughter\’s words? There are actually many such scenes, such as a child crying in the supermarket to buy something. Originally, if we want the child to be quiet and controlled, we need to listen carefully to the child and adhere to the principle gently. But because we can’t save face, we are likely to either simply compromise and satisfy our children’s demands and keep things quiet, or we will get angry at our children, causing them to become even more anxious and have to be forcibly removed. Face makes us forget the tolerance and patience we should have towards our children. However, children themselves grow up by making constant mistakes. They learn from their mistakes to improve themselves and make themselves better. At this time, what they need is tolerance and understanding. They hope that their parents can understand their psychological state and recognize their development status. I think what is more important than face must be the child\’s hurt heart. We have to make ourselves stronger inside, and still be tolerant of ourselves amidst the noisy voices of the outside world. Because only if you treat yourself with tolerance can you put down your dignity and treat your children with tolerance. In fact, hurting children for the sake of face, in the final analysis, is because it is difficult for us to be ourselves. Between face and the nature of children, we choose face because we care about ourselves in the eyes of others. Between face and respecting children’s autonomy, we choose face because we cannot accept our imperfect selves. Between face and being tolerant to our children, we choose face because we cannot be tolerant of our inner selves. However: are other people really that important? Others are always just bystanders in our lives and do not need to be responsible for our lives. Why should we care so much about other people\’s opinions? Is imperfection really bad? Perfection does not exist in this world, so why bother to demand a perfect self? What\’s more, most perfection is just a figment of our imagination. Is it really difficult to be forgiving to yourself? Everyone will make mistakes, get into trouble, and mess up something. Only by accepting it with tolerance can you have the courage to move on. So, follow your inner voice and move forward. face,It is you who lives in the eyes of others. My child is another real you. Please don\’t betray the real you for the sake of how you are in other people\’s eyes.