You are also raising a child, why are you so anxious?

One day at the weekend, Rooney had been watching cartoons for a long time, so I took him to the balcony to look at the green mountains in the distance. Suddenly, he seemed to have discovered a new world and said: \”Mom, how strange! When I look at the mountains in the distance, the anti-theft net in front of me becomes blurry. When I stare at the anti-theft net, the mountains in the distance look like I can\’t see clearly.\” I was very happy that he could clearly describe his observation. I told him: \”Yes, the eyes have a focusing function. When your focus is in the distance, the nearby areas become blurred. When the focus is on something close, the distance becomes blurry.\” It was focused and focused again. I don\’t know if he understood it, but he just continued to look into the distance without speaking. I also fell into deep thought. Because I suddenly thought: isn’t the process of raising children the same? When we focus closely on some problems in the growth of our children, we will be vague, anxious and even fearful about the future; when we have a clear understanding and plan for our children\’s future, the small problems in front of our children will become insignificant. People without thought, he must worry about. Parents who do not understand their children\’s growth patterns and do not have a clear understanding of their children\’s future will easily have unrealistic expectations for their children. Once their children do not achieve the expected results, they will start to become anxious and panicked. A few days ago, a mother asked in a WeChat group how to cultivate her child\’s attention. She said that her child was always unable to sit still and could not listen to her reading properly. Mothers in the group gave her advice one after another. Only one attentive mother asked, how old is your child? She said the child was one and a half years old. Suddenly, the mothers in the group exploded. I was speechless after seeing it. A one-and-a-half-year-old child is in the most curious and exploratory stage, with a maximum attention span of 2 minutes. How is it possible for him to sit quietly and listen to you read? But I also fully understand this mother’s anxiety. I remember that in the first two years of raising Rooney, I was always anxious. Other children had teeth at 6 months, but Rooney had not yet had teeth when he was almost one year old. I would open his mouth to look at him every day and muttered, \”Why don\’t teeth come in yet?\”; other children had teeth at 10 months. He can walk now, but Rooney just crawled at 10 months old, and I couldn’t wait to help him up. Other children can talk at one year old, but Rooney could only bark at that time, so I teased him every day. Calling Mommy… Of course, it turned out that all of this was excessive anxiety on my part. Normal children will grow teeth, walk, and talk. It\’s just a matter of one month early or one month late. If you don\’t understand your child\’s growth patterns and lack macro control over your child\’s education, you will not only become short-sighted, prone to anxiety, but also prone to following the trend. Today I was reading popular Tang poems, so I bought \”Three Hundred Tang Poems\” and forced my children to recite it every day. Tomorrow I heard that they could get extra points for the Mathematical Olympiad, so I hurriedly signed up to learn it. They spent a lot of money doing things here and there, but the children learned nothing. I read teacher Xiao Yu’s article some time ago. He talked about a parent’s experience, which is worth pondering. This parent used to read an article by a school principal. That person criticized the institutional education as useless. It seems that when studying in institutional education, a child is completely ruined, which scares the parent so much. It happened that the child encountered some small problems at school.Guo made exaggerated associations with these issues, so she looked around for schools outside the system to study. Because the tuition fees for this kind of school are high, she even made plans to sell her house to raise tuition fees. As a result, when children actually entered school, it was even more difficult for the children to adapt. Later, after comparing school and classroom, I found that my child liked school better, and then returned to school. Parents who understand their children\’s growth patterns and have a vision and plan in education must be confident, take their time, and accompany their children to grow at their own pace. They will never be anxious because their children\’s pace temporarily slows down. Yang Jiang’s father, Yang Yinhang, is the best example of this type of parent. He advocates doing nothing and letting things take their own course. He never puts any academic pressure on his children and does not require his daughters to get high marks. When Yang Jiang was in high school, he couldn\’t distinguish between flat and oblique tones. He comforted his daughter: \”It doesn\’t matter, you will understand when the time comes.\” Later, Yang Jiang was able to distinguish all four tones. He often walked to the window at night and knocked on the window to test Yang Jiang\’s words. If his daughter got the answer right, he would laugh with joy; if she got the answer wrong, he would still laugh with joy. He gave his children a moderate amount of respect and freedom, but he was not without demands. In addition to leading the children to read, he also did five things: encourage the children to do what they like; require the children to be independent; tell the children to be indifferent to material life; require the children to be responsible for their own affairs; tell the children to have \” The courage to say no. The most important thing is that he not only educates his children in this way, but also practices it himself. He is upright, positive and constantly learning throughout his life. Cultivating children\’s good habits and character through precepts and deeds is the general direction of education. If you grasp this general direction, you will naturally not worry about your children\’s temporary lagging behind and problems. Because life is a marathon, and direction is far more important than speed. If you want to be more confident and calm on the road of parenting and ensure that you don\’t deviate from the track, you need to maintain a positive learning attitude like Mr. Yang Yinhang and grow together with your children. I think back then, after I graduated from college, I started working within the system. I suddenly lost the motivation and goals to learn, so I just drifted with the crowd. Like other colleagues, in addition to repetitive tasks every day, I just checked my mobile phone and watched TV. On the surface, my life was It feels comfortable and enviable. However, only I know that I feel increasingly empty and confused. It wasn\’t until I got married and had children that family relationships became complicated and all the problems came one after another. I realized that many problems had not been solved, and there were still many lessons to be done in life, and I had to learn them all over again. And how many parents are still like me, wandering in confusion and anxiety, clinging to existing cognitions and concepts, giving up learning, giving up growing, and enclosing themselves in a small comfort zone? As Parker said in the book \”The Road Less Traveled\”: \”Our concept of reality is like a map… Some people give up drawing maps after adolescence. Most people after middle school Years ago, I thought my map was perfect and my worldview was flawless. I even thought I was sacred and inviolable. I had little interest in new information and information, and I seemed exhausted. Only a handful of lucky people could continue to work hard and keep working hard.Explore, expand and renew your understanding of the world until the end of your life. \”In fact, the appearance of children is the best opportunity for us to redraw the map of life. Stepping out of the original comfort zone and growing up with children will inevitably be accompanied by pain. However, this is the only way to get out of confusion and anxiety. Parenting also Educate yourself. No matter when, we must never give up learning or self-growth. As the epitaph of the writer Arthur C. Clark said: \”I never grow up, but I never stop growing.\” \”Be a lifelong learner.