You can still be a good mother even if your child is not around

What kind of life are those mothers who are divorced but leave the custody of their children to their men for various reasons and leave alone? This is a group that is easily overlooked by all parties. In life, once a woman makes up her mind to divorce, her parents or relatives and friends will always advise them: \”Don\’t have children, otherwise it will be very difficult for you to get married again.\” They all feel that this is putting themselves in her shoes. Yes, this kind of difficulty is not only Reflected in economic and social discrimination, an ordinary woman with children always faces greater difficulty in choosing a mate. If she can\’t think about it, they will blame her for not being smart, \”If you don\’t take the child, it\’s still yours. If you take him (her), your life will be ruined.\” But what about a mother\’s heart, how painful will it be? They don\’t really understand. Divorce is only a temporary pain, like a knife wound. Once you heal it, it will heal, but it will leave a scar. When a mother leaves her child, it\’s like a heart being torn apart. The pain is endless and never-ending. I have received letters from readers like this more than once: After getting divorced, after weighing the pros and cons, I can only leave the child I raised to the father of the child. I will no longer be able to see him all the time and hold him in his arms. Even if I can We meet during the prescribed visiting hours, but when we are separated, the child cries and is reluctant to leave her mother, and the adults also cry. Every time, it is like a human tragedy of separation of flesh and blood. For mothers like this, it is difficult to move forward and look back, a thousand times more difficult. Move forward, work hard to make money, and hope to be able to take out the child one day, but with your own new relationship, you are worried about whether your husband who remarries can be as good to the child as promised. If you have another child, the child will be… will not be affected. My heart went back and forth a thousand times, and I lost my purpose in life. Looking back, I imagine whether the child is living well or not in a family without a mother. I miss her so much that I wish I could sacrifice myself and go back to live a new life. But I knew that this was not possible, and I cried every day, feeling that I would never be happy again. A mother left me a message, \”I\’ve been reading your articles a lot. Can you write an article to comfort single mothers who have lost their children? I really want to see such an article.\” She didn\’t know how other mothers lived. She was going down, and her days were like years. \”I didn\’t care about anything. I always felt like there was no hope in life anymore. When I thought about my children, my eyes got wet and I felt like I had endless tears.\” This was so sad. Reluctance to leave your children is a mother\’s instinctive reaction, but it is also the moral oppression of the entire society, intentionally or unintentionally. Why don’t fathers who are also parents of children and give up custody of their children after divorce not feel so deeply guilty and painful? Because when they are not divorced, they don\’t care much about their children. Chinese-style families default to the mother\’s responsibility to take care of the children. Therefore, once the couple separates, the mother who cannot take the children away cannot escape the self-blame and heavy moral burden first. burden. Even if the arrangements for the child take full consideration of the material, environmental and practical conditions of the couple, the mother will still feel deeply sorry. It\’s time for such mothers to be relieved. It\’s time for someone to tell them, \”Although the children are not around,You can still be a good mother. \”How to be a good mother after a divorce? Try to have a civilized and decent marriage. Divorce is not a pleasant thing. It is easy for two people to separate. What is difficult is to deal with the aftermath of this shared life, property, social interaction, and feelings. , all need to be divided, but the most important thing among them is the children. Children are the most important product of marriage and the most innocent members in marriage. For the sake of the children, in order for the children to have a pair of parents who can talk to each other in the future , we should try our best to handle various divorce matters in a civilized manner and reduce the chance of mutual hatred. Even if a man fails himself, at the end of the day, he should spare what he can get around and let go of what he can. Open, this is not for him, but for the children. To eliminate the sense of moral guilt, I believe that every responsible adult, when making arrangements for children during divorce, fully considers the differences in material, environment, and abilities between the parents, and makes decisions The optimal arrangement. When a child grows up, the absence of either parent is a pity. This is a fact that both parents and children must face. But not all children from single-parent families will leave a shadow of life. Can they Educating children who are healthy, cheerful, and physically and mentally balanced depends on the parenting style, not just on the integrity of the family. Divorce is a foregone conclusion, and mothers should not impose moral guilt on themselves, nor should they double compensation for mistakes out of guilt It turns into doting on the child. What the child needs more is someone who has the ability to manage his own life, someone who can still give the child a sense of security, who can look into the child\’s eyes and say firmly, \”Mom still loves you.\” A strong woman. Establishing a strong emotional connection and not being able to see the children who used to see each other day and night is indeed a torture for mothers, especially those who brought up their children single-handedly, but because of financial problems, they only have to leave their young children alone. It is even easier to let go of a mother who has left her child behind. But what does mother mean? It is safety, understanding, trust, tolerance, and love. It is the warmest spiritual feeling, and it does not have to be mixed up every day. Some mothers spend time with their children every day, but lack care and warmth, and do not understand their children, which is not necessarily good for their children\’s growth. When mothers have the opportunity to meet their children, they should share more details of life with their children and enjoy them. Happy parent-child time. When we are not together, let the child believe that although the mother is not around, her heart will always be with the child. This emotional bond will always be there. For particularly small children, you can use dolls and photos given by the mother to replace them. The image of the mother allows the children to place their feelings on the mother\’s substitute. Maintain a good relationship with the ex-husband\’s family. China\’s legal system is very imperfect. If the relationship between the husband and wife is not good after the divorce, the party with visitation rights will enforce it. When this right encounters obstruction, the law always seems weak and cannot effectively protect the rights of the parties involved. So you can only rely on yourself. For the sake of your children, you must try your best to repair the relationship with your ex-husband and the other party’s family, and put the former Let go of all grudges, stop blaming each other for the past, keep a good distance, and be polite.get along with each other. In terms of the time and frequency of visits, we must fully respect the children\’s living habits and the wishes of the other party, proceed with consultation, and do not act arbitrarily. If the child is being taken care of by grandparents, thank them more, be less critical, and buy some small gifts as appropriate. Don’t look at them and find out many problems at once, such as which clothes are wrong or which child is thin. Such an attitude will cause trouble. The other party\’s disgust will affect future contact with the child. Protect your children’s feelings. Children are innocent and ignorant, but they are also the most sensitive and direct little animals. They adapt to reality easily and accept changes in their lives easily, and the same is true when it comes to divorce. Often the adults haven\’t gotten used to it yet, but the children are already able to accept it. Therefore, sometimes a mother will find that she is still immersed in pain or resentment, but the child thinks, \”It\’s good to be with dad, and the new aunt is also very good to me.\” This will inevitably make the mother feel betrayed. Feel. At this time, you must pay attention to restraining your emotions, do not blame the child, let alone tell the grudges between adults in front of the child, or let the child choose a position to support. This is a very cruel thing for children, which can only lead to deeper confusion and pain, causing emotional and moral division. Is divorce a good thing or a bad thing for a woman? It\’s hard to say, or this matter simply cannot be judged as good or bad. Even if sometimes divorce is the right choice, it may not be a victory worth beating. It\’s always a pity, especially divorce with children, there are so many troubles. But for all people, whether parents or children, life is just a process of working hard to earn credits. If the family is harmonious and the relationship between husband and wife is loving, it will naturally have great benefits and make the road of growth smoother, but it may lead to mediocrity and too much dependence. If the marriage breaks up and the parents divide their belongings, it will naturally bring about some difficulties and the road of life will inevitably become tortuous. However, in the process of healing the trauma, more precious life wealth may be given birth to. Who knows, we have seen too many of these joys and sorrows. Destiny turns its hand into clouds and turns into rain, everything can be changed. For a strong person, all ups and downs are nourishment; for a weak person, all setbacks are destruction. How to be a good mother after divorce? Only by being strong, living well, and strengthening yourself can you be able to shoulder the shortcomings of your children\’s world. Maybe there is no perfect result, but it is good to have a clear conscience.